wanderlusting wrote:

I agree. His true colors definitely shown through last night. I was hoping that there would be a text message from him today possibly hearing an apology or even feeling bad for what he said, but nope, nothing. No remorse, no empathy, no guilt.... only says one thing narcissism/sociopathic. 

Blue wrote:

I definitely hope that you cut him off for good, wanderlusting. After making fun of you and mocking you, that shows he's just an abusive asshole and doesn't deserve anyone.

 

I'm wondering why someone who decided to attack you verbally completely unprovoked would still have access to contact you.

He contacted you and attacked you and you are sitting there looking at your phone waiting for an apology. Honestly what value would an apology be in this situation? What comfort could an apology really give you? What validation or vindication would an apology give you? 

Now if he contacted you and explained he had an out of body experience when he abused you with those texts,I might be inclined to hear him out to the end of the story. But really,come on .....

You have to see your life, your experiences it's all stops and starts with you. What is happening with this guy is all due to what you believe of yourself.

Right now I would say park the trying to attract this guy back and start working on your self confidence and self worth. Start removing all the limiting beliefs you have about love and relationships.

When you start to understand your true worth, you won't be standing waiting for this guy to throw crumbs at you to fill you up. You will move on. And if in the moving on he appears as the man that you deserve and desire then win win.

I do have to agree with you some what. He has been getting upset lately a lot more than usual at me because he is starting to see that I am moving forward and on with my life. He also thinks that I am seeing other guys and going on dates and because of this, he has been lashing out a lot more. What I don't understand, is if he doesn't want a relationship with me, then why would it matter if I am opening myself up to dating other guys? He has told me that he doesn't want to lose me and that he doesn't want me dating other guys but because he broke up with me, he cannot stop me from doing what I want to do if that is what I am wanting. In all of 6 years, despite the few times we have broken up, I haven't dated other guys or been with anyone else until this time around. I know he has told me a few times that he has struggled with his decision. He has also told me that if he spends more time with me or if he talks to me all the time, then it is like a relationship and that isn't something that he wants so he disappears for days at a time. But then when we hang out, there are plenty of times that he acts like a boyfriend and is loving and affectionate to me. It can be quite confusing to me but then again, I wonder if it is confusing to him too. 

Indigo wrote:

wanderlusting wrote:

Okay, so I know that we went back and forth yesterday as I was getting my situation out in the forum for advice. So last night, I was feeling really negative so I decided to drive to the gym and try and work out my frustrations. As I had previously mentioned, I had went into NC and hadn't heard from him, until I was done with the gym last night and was heading home. I was feeling in such a great mood and super happy until I got a plethora of mean, nasty, and down right cruel text messages from him. Everything from name calling to mocking me having a mental illness (PTSD), saying that I had a "damaged mind" and such. I was blown away by everything. Hours before I had gone to the gym, I had read on a post here to detach and to even do a cord cutting meditation, which I ended up doing and then boom, last night happened. I am definitely backing away for the time being. 
 

I just recently started doing PW/BWD so I don't know that much about how targets might react, but could it be that you are really getting to him with your meditations and the reason that he lashed out so harshly against you is because he's trying to fight it?
 

He is currently in therapy to work on some issues that he has. He did invite me to his therapy session a few days ago so I could give the therapist my side of the story, but I ended up backing out because we haven't even seen each other in over a week now. I know that he isn't where he wants to be in life right now and I know that a few months ago he was struggling with depression but he seems happier now and actually enjoying his life. He did me text me Sunday that he misses having fun with me but since Sunday, he hasn't reached out to me to hang out or spend time together. I am not going out of my way to contact him nor to try to see him. I am giving him space and time to try and remove the negative emotions and associations he has currently with me. I wasn't the easiest person to be in a relationship with and I struggled a lot with constant worrying, jealousy, insecurities, and because of those things, it created me being controlling and possessive, which of course, creates more problems and conflicts. I am too in therapy myself to work on those issues as well as self love. It is hard undoing many years of conditioning. I do have to say though, I wish I had gone to his therapy session because I think his therapist hearing what my guy refuses to tell him, will only help in getting the help that he needs. I am still meditating on him but more so on him treating me better and him wanting to talk to me and see me. I feel there are some things we need to sit down and discuss before we make a permanent decision to go opposite directions and give up completely. I know he has mentioned a couple of times here and there that with how I still am, he doesn't want to risk getting back into a relationship with me and getting the same shitty relationship we had before. 

Indigo wrote:

wanderlusting wrote:

I do have to agree with you some what. He has been getting upset lately a lot more than usual at me because he is starting to see that I am moving forward and on with my life. He also thinks that I am seeing other guys and going on dates and because of this, he has been lashing out a lot more. What I don't understand, is if he doesn't want a relationship with me, then why would it matter if I am opening myself up to dating other guys? He has told me that he doesn't want to lose me and that he doesn't want me dating other guys but because he broke up with me, he cannot stop me from doing what I want to do if that is what I am wanting. In all of 6 years, despite the few times we have broken up, I haven't dated other guys or been with anyone else until this time around. I know he has told me a few times that he has struggled with his decision. He has also told me that if he spends more time with me or if he talks to me all the time, then it is like a relationship and that isn't something that he wants so he disappears for days at a time. But then when we hang out, there are plenty of times that he acts like a boyfriend and is loving and affectionate to me. It can be quite confusing to me but then again, I wonder if it is confusing to him too.

 

It's obvious that he is possessive and maybe even controlling.  He seems to want to keep you dangling and at a

distance but doesn't want you to associate with other men (whether you are actually doing so or whether that's 

what you've led him to believe or whether he drew that conclusion on his own).  Are you still meditating on him?

Do you really even want him anymore?   This is just my opinion but after six years there ought be some sort of

commitment by now.  That is a really long time to spend on someone without having something to show for it.
 

I did end up backing out last week but it turned out that his session was actually cancelled. Many things have been different over the course of the past week. Thursday and Friday he went out of town and stayed with a friend and partied both of those nights. On Saturday, he ran into a girl that he was friends with back in high school and they hung out for a little while and even posted a photo of each other on social media. I couldn't help but feel hurt over this as we have hung out several times and I have yet to appear on his social media. I saw him this past Saturday and we had a great day as well as night but he had a birthday party to attend Sunday, where he ended up at another bar that night as well. Yesterday was his birthday and him and a group of his friends went out to a concert and he told me that he didn't want to include me and that I wasn't invited. I never sent him a happy birthday message yesterday but I did receive a message from him this morning at 4:30am telling me "thanks for the happy birthday" (that I didn't send). There is too much back and forth and hot and cold. I have been doing my manifestations, journaling, scripting, and my meditations but I feel like I am hitting a brick wall. 

Indigo wrote:

wanderlusting wrote:

He is currently in therapy to work on some issues that he has. He did invite me to his therapy session a few days ago so I could give the therapist my side of the story, but I ended up backing out because we haven't even seen each other in over a week now. I know that he isn't where he wants to be in life right now and I know that a few months ago he was struggling with depression but he seems happier now and actually enjoying his life. He did me text me Sunday that he misses having fun with me but since Sunday, he hasn't reached out to me to hang out or spend time together. I am not going out of my way to contact him nor to try to see him. I am giving him space and time to try and remove the negative emotions and associations he has currently with me. I wasn't the easiest person to be in a relationship with and I struggled a lot with constant worrying, jealousy, insecurities, and because of those things, it created me being controlling and possessive, which of course, creates more problems and conflicts. I am too in therapy myself to work on those issues as well as self love. It is hard undoing many years of conditioning. I do have to say though, I wish I had gone to his therapy session because I think his therapist hearing what my guy refuses to tell him, will only help in getting the help that he needs. I am still meditating on him but more so on him treating me better and him wanting to talk to me and see me. I feel there are some things we need to sit down and discuss before we make a permanent decision to go opposite directions and give up completely. I know he has mentioned a couple of times here and there that with how I still am, he doesn't want to risk getting back into a relationship with me and getting the same shitty relationship we had before. 

 

Him inviting you to attend his therapy session is major.  And because he is having issues he really needs your

support right now.  If I were you I would contact him and let him know that you will definitely go to a couple of

sessions with him, but you really have to go.  Don't back out.
 

I actually practiced the cutting the cord meditation last week and within a few hours I was hearing from him and then we ended up hanging out. He has taken back my invitation to go with him to his therapy session so no need to worry about that anymore. I do believe that I need to give him space again as I feel like he is controlling me and I am chasing him and that isn't a fun game to play. 

emmiline wrote:

Hi wanderlusting, i am sorry that you are facing this confusing situation. Yes give him space for a bit and focus your meditations on healing for yourself.

You are still wondering and writing about what his responses and lack of responses mean, this translates to him still wielding power / control over your thought process. I would not go to therapy with him, he is selfish. He doesnt share pics of you on social media, didnt invite you to his birthday but wants to hold your hand when he is talking to a shrink.. no.

If you are going to meditate on him please do the cut the cord, its great for your mental well being. Let us know how you feel afterwards.