Posted by BelieverOfLOA  3/29/2017 4:20 pm | #1 |
So, I have don't know if I should try and attract my ex back or attract someone else instead?
So, my ex is a cheater and a liar. (I'm just going to attract more since I reinforce this) This is one of the main reason why I do not want to attract him back into my life. However, here is the clincher we are now, well I am now, pregnant with his child. =\
So, a little bit about us. My ex was dating two women at the same time in 2014/2015. We had made it exclusive Jan 2015 only to end July 2015 cause I had a knowing something was off. Sure enough, less then two weeks after our breakup I learned he had had another gf in a different part of the US. September 2015 we lingered and tried to get past it, but she was still around. This is her thing. November 2015 the universe kept pulling me to reach out to him, but I was refusing... why should I?! I loved myself enough to NOT need a man who'd lie and cheat. The universe/God pushed... I use these names synonymously. I finally said "God, if you want me to reach out to him I want a sign." In my head I heard ladybug... to which I refused! "No, that's too easy... give me something else... blue glass, butterflies" then very loudly I heard LADYBUG! So, I got up and with a hump and a "fine!"... hahaha to think you can fight a knowing So, within 5 mins I had my sign "Name, you have a bug on your shirt" "Good things I'm not afraid of spiders" "No, it's just a ladybug" O_O Ok, God I will reach out.
We were back together right away. Far too quick for me to handle, but I wanted to be swept in with him. I still really loved him on a soul level. We were exclusive from Nov 15 to May 16 before that gut knowing said to check her fb page and all over it was hints of her spending time with him. =\ to which he denied, but I couldn't shake. He broke up with me shortly after "You will never trust me again! We can't do this anymore"
We got back together one month later, spent the summer together, but there was this nagging discomfort. There was this unease and our relationship deteriorated. We got pregnant in August and miscarried in September due to some edibles he gave me from WA state... it was before my missed period so he didn't believe it, but us women know. I then noticed a new woman texting his phone. Well flash forward we ended officially in October. I didn't fight it or even ask why. I just was like, ok. Fast forward we slept together once in Nov and once in Dec. Our final weekend together in December we had a lovely weekend. He and I slept together, and then I told him to be careful I was fertile, but he proceeded to finish two more times where he knew not to. He said to me "I was so excited to get you pregnant, and then it didn't happen, and then I got frustrated, and then I gave up and I gave up on everything" We ended that weekend bad, pot isn't my friend, and neither of us thought we would see one another.
Well, wish granted... after one year of "trying" and one miscarriage we are now pregnant.
Well, truth all comes to light... it always does. He did cheat on me in May with his fall back woman. He did save her under a false name in his phone. He did say it was a new friend not her. We ended in October. Well he went back to her in Dec. He did admit to me that when he finished in me he thought "if this doesn't get her pregnant, nothing will". Even though he says it was an accident. I know deep down we both wanted this baby. I even tried to send the soul back before I knew I was pregnant, but here I am 4 months pregnant.
SO, here is my issue. I KNOW that I can manifest him back, but should I?! Had he told me he cheated on me in May I would not have gone back to him. PERIOD. I would not have felt guilty and tried to fix us, I would have left! I know I deserve better. This time, this baby, we both called it in... and I believe that it is coming through now because we were both messing up our relationship and it wanted to come to us... and it was now or never. He returns to this other woman, because she doesn't care what he does as long as he is with her and she doesn't find out. She is ok with delusional... and I AM NOT.
So, do I call him back OR do I call in the person I am supposed to be with?
I know that Nov 15 when we got back together he really wanted to be with me, we both were pulled back together by something higher then us. She is someone he has to see due to work, so she is easy to get back in touch with... I am a bye have a nice life. I do believe this soul came through at the last time we were ever to be intimate because the soul was supposed to. I am not taking it as a sign from the universe that I should bring him back though... I am just able to see that my fears of him cheating on me again with her created that. My fears of her being who he wanted just pulled her back and fed their relationship.
Its the case of did he cheat because I feared it or did I fear it because it is who he is... He in his heart says he cheated in May because he didn't think I could get over the past. He gave up. The baby hadn't come. He was done.
So, help ladies... Bring him back. Forget the past. Focus on calling him back because this baby and family is what we both wanted. OR let him live his life with her, that he believes he wants now... it will change when he wakes up again, and call in the best possible man for me and my deserving children (one with my ex-hubby this is his first biological child).
I know the universe brought us back before... I know I called her back to him... I know my fears pushed him to cheat again... I know this baby is coming through because it soul is supposed to... I know that I can call him back, but just don't know if I should.
Thank you in advance ladies for your wisdom and guidance! Sorry for the book. I am still a little mentally torn on what to do.
Last edited by BelieverOfLOA (3/29/2017 4:41 pm)
|
Posted by Ratpack 3/29/2017 7:36 pm | #2 |
I think you have time to make a decision. Let's face it. You're pregnant. He's not going anywhere. You and he are bonded for life.
One thing I see a lot of is "I manifested this" in these forums. Maybe, but he has free will. You may have "manifested" the cheating in the way that you knew he cheats and continued to go down this path, but he cheated because he chose to. You can't put that on yourself exclusively. The saying "I knew better, but I did it anyway" comes to mind when people say they manifested things like this.
My thoughts are you should work on you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but there's something inside of you hurting if you think you can't do better than a man who knowingly breaks your heart. Not only did he sleep with someone, he lied and went far enough to cover his tracks. He didn't make a mistake once. He consciously slept with someone else and had a relationship with her so comfortably and openly that she shared pictures on social media. Who knows what kind of person she is? She may be a very lovely moral woman with standards and class. She also may be sleeping with anyone and everyone. Even if he used protection with her, he didn't with you. He put your life at risk. He put your self worth at risk. That's unacceptable.
You may have had signs telling you to go for him because maybe you were supposed to Mother this particular child. That may be where it ends.
Work on you. Do some EFT tapping. Meditate without thinking of him. If you must PW, talk to him about your worth and nothing else. Get your vibrations so high that nothing and no one can knock it down.
Again, he's not going anywhere. No need to rush and make decisions immediately.
|
Posted by BelieverOfLOA 3/30/2017 1:17 am | #3 |
Thank you for your response.
He was dating both of us, sadly because he could. When I went back the first time when he was exclusive... that was the issue. I felt as though by going back I was lowering my self worth. It messed with me, badly. Then when I learned about May - the pictures were cover photos of quotes, and the beach in front of his home, but we women just know. It was pushed off as her more or less being crazy & I wanted to believe him. After that quick break up I felt so badly for "over reacting" I did stay far beyond when I should have.
Now, had I known for sure he cheated. Had he or her be honest, she knew he was with me. I would have never talked to him again. I would have let him go so quickly.
You are right, he had freewill to continue this... so I may have pulled her back with my energy, because I did resonate there with him... but he was a weak man and did it anyways.
I know without a shadow of a doubt I deserve so much more. This baby... that's just throwing this whole wrench in my plan. I'm so blessed and grateful but it's a wrench none the less.
I think you're right... hands down... for two reasons. When we were dying relationally in the summer - I saw a another ladybug, but for a text I was sending on I'm going to do me. (Heal, fix, grow, etc) I know dating him past the first cheating then having him not make enough of an effort to heal the relationship - killed my soul.
Also, about maybe it's just for this soul I am carrying... because when he and I were friends for a year and a half before dating. He was "with" this woman that whole time, but never once mentioned her... we spoke about all the women he was dating besides her. She's his fallback, sadly. She is very content as long as he's hers... BUT when we first dated he said God told him we were going to have kids, he laughed, because he was friend zoned.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and sincerely comment. I know I feel a rush because I want him during my pregnancy, but it is what it is. I know I am far better then all this.
Peace love and light!!
|
Posted by Avaelle 3/30/2017 12:11 pm | #4 |
I know it hurt you extremely to find out what all he was doing behind your back, the lies he was telling you, the risk he was exposing you to. I know because I've felt that pain before. What I can say is that without question, you deserve better. You seem like such a lovely, thoughtful and dedicated woman. No way is putting up with lies what is meant for you. I would forget trying to attract him back. Instead, I'd try to figure out what would attract such a man to me. Then, I'd work on that and open myself to welcoming a good man that knew my worth. You can be happy without him and you can have a family without him.
|
Posted by BelieverOfLOA 3/30/2017 2:26 pm | #5 |
Avaelle wrote:
I know it hurt you extremely to find out what all he was doing behind your back, the lies he was telling you, the risk he was exposing you to. I know because I've felt that pain before. What I can say is that without question, you deserve better. You seem like such a lovely, thoughtful and dedicated woman. No way is putting up with lies what is meant for you. I would forget trying to attract him back. Instead, I'd try to figure out what would attract such a man to me. Then, I'd work on that and open myself to welcoming a good man that knew my worth. You can be happy without him and you can have a family without him.
Just figuring out this forum thing, so I don't know if I click quote or reply to post... lol, but I'll try this option.
Thank you for your words. I am sorry you have known this pain, but the truth is it all works out as it should. It definitely helps us to help other when they are in a time of need. So, eternally thank you.
I know without a shadow of a doubt I deserve better. I think with this situation it's heart breakingly sad. I think I called him in because we have past life ties, I resonate at a high frequency normally, and he loved that... and he knew I'd make an amazing partner and spouse. He wanted a family. I think that I stayed after May cause I felt guilty - which is my wound to heal. I also must heal why I attract amazing men, but physically it's not there. I need mind, body, and spirit... cause my soul definitely loves my body. 😂 I have been having visions lately of a little girl. She was walking in front of me with a flower girl dress on... and the moment was gorgeous.
Now, I don't know who... but I know it's in the work. In my heart I know all will be well. It's just so devastating to see a man go from wanting it all to rationalizing everything. But I got my tears out today. We spoke. He told me she read the message I sent telling her about how he was with me in Jan and lied - we has sec cause I didn't know they were together... she knows and doesn't care he sleeps with me... it's just a sad mess.
The tears today felt so good.
But thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for your response!
💛
|
Posted by BelieverOfLOA 3/30/2017 6:40 pm | #7 |
You're a strong woman and smart. I have no doubts that you'll be fine.
Thank you very much!! I am a bleeding heart today, because we spoke today and he is just such a lost soul. She knows he cheated and doesn't care and he is "committed" to her because she there (where he wants to live) not here... I will heal.
Happy note, I reached out to a Spiritual Counselor (not a religious one). It will help me through this grieving...
Funny thing is I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt he will come back. 
Just too late.
